My 2nd Time Bribing Cops in Colombia
SUMMARY: Short dittie about my 2nd time busted smoking weed on the street with The Mick.
This story happened within a day or two after I published the story on my first time bribing cops in Colombia. Although that story occurred months before publishing it, I shied away from writing up this one because I would’ve felt like a dumb shit and a loser for having essentially the same story happen twice.
I quit drinking for over six months in Colombia. Toward the end, I started smoking weed every day all day to get by. That habit stuck after a month in the States and returning to Colombia in January. My smoking started to stink up the apartment building, annoying the neighbors. One day one of them said something about it to me and I decided not to smoke in the apartment anymore. … Read more
Smuggling Contraband from Colombia
SUMMARY: I smuggled a bunch of contraband into the States from Colombia for my holiday visit. Read how I got and brought Marijuana, Cocaine, Steroids, and Sinalgen (Colombian Vicodin).
Marijuana
I was to arrive in St. Louis just before Thanksgiving, where some of the men in the family always burn one after dinner. It’s usually the same guys who provide the jibber, which I realized as I was staring at a pile of cheap-ass Colombian marijuana on my counter. So I stuffed a fat bud into the pocket of one of the artesania handbags I bought as Christmas presents (which are among the finer products from Colombia, but not this weed). … Read more
My 1st Time Bribing Cops in Colombia
SUMMARY: The Mick and I got busted smoking a joint in Chapinero, so we paid our way out of it.
November 22, around 10am, I ran into The Mick at the bike repair shop in Chapinero on the west side of Avenida Caracas. The west side of Chapinero is a poorer, ghetto section that features 7 de agosto and a drugs-and-prostitution district. The shop’s located on an OK block where there isn’t anything to worry about during the day.
The guys usually have our bikes ready within an hour so we usually wait. After The Mick dropped his bike off, I saw him striking a match with a joint fatter than his nose hanging from his lips all the way down past his chin. We walked down the block. … Read more
Memories of My Amsterdam Whores
SUMMARY: It recently occurred to me that I’d never written up my tales from the Red Light District in Amsterdam. I had sex with six prostitutes on two different trips to Amsterdam. Nationalities include: Czech Republic, Phillipines, Dominican Republic, Brazil, Ghana, and Hungary.
I took my first trip outside America in August 2006. We spent 8 days in London and 2 in Amsterdam. I had recently gotten dumped by a girlfriend of 3 years, 1½ of which we lived together. So I was in a depressing love hangover. … Read more
My First Paisa in Colombia
SUMMARY: I get drunk and go to Plaza Lourdes to get high. I meet my first paisa, a pseudo-ethnic subculture in Colombia.
Alternate Title: My First Run-In with Cocaine in Colombia
I met my first paisa last week. I’d heard about the paisas before. The guy who worked the graveyard shift at my Candelaria hotel was from Medellin, as are the paisas. He told me they’re the crazy culture in Colombia. The street-smart, hot-headed people. Somewhat involved in crime. Quick to pull guns. In other words, they’re the niggaz of Colombia. The black Colombians don’t have that reputation here; the paisas do.
The most famous paisas include Pablo Escobar (of Medellin Cartel fame) and, ironically, the current president Alvaro Uribe, who was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by George W. Bush last year. Others include Juanes and painter Fernando Botero. The paisas aren’t necessarily of a different ethnic lineage. The Medellin region is their distinction. They’re associated with the coffee industry, and cocaine too. In fact, the textbook stereotype of a paisa is Juan Valdez, the face figure of the Juan Valdez coffee brand. Juan Valdez is the Starbucks of Colombia, a chain of coffee shops modeled after Starbucks.
So I was drinking rum in Plaza Lourdes on a Thursday night. … Read more
The Cusco Incident
SUMMARY: I go to Cusco and get in trouble. The police may be looking for me. Long but interesting story with pictures.
EXCERPT: I think I need to try another run at sobriety. I feel that, one of these days, I’m not going to come out on top… Read more
Wild Weekend in Bogotá
SUMMARY: I meet Dennis for a weekend in Bogotá. The weekend is wild. Sections include The City, The Play by Play, The Women, The Aftermath, and Pictures. Long story.
TEASER: So this should bring us to where I left for the brothel. Your favorite hapless romantic had been dreaming and drooling over the women all weekend long. This was my last night and there was only one kind of place open. Plus, Dennis had made out with four women by this time. If we were competing, I’d be losing 4 – 1. A perfect storm developed of my insecurities in losing the game combined with a strong desire for these Colombian women, combined with the fact that I probably wouldn’t have been able to go to bed at 2 am after two nights drinking until dawn.
The taxi took me to the curb and pointed out the door. A mustached man dressed in a suit came to the cab and opened the door for me, gesturing me in politely and confidently. This mustached man came to be my primary caretaker in my time here. Resembling a Latino version of Borat, he ushered me into the place, sat me down at a booth, and brought me a Heineken. … Read more
