Contributed Story: Chinese are More Evolved than You

Posted on 22. Dec, 2012 by Colin in contributed stories, other countries

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This is the third in a reflective series on China from my buddy Chuck, who lived and worked there for three years. As a reminder, this is an excerpt from an email he sent towards the end of his time there:

Moving to China is the second biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life – behind joining the army. For the longest, my impression was that they were shy, innocent, hardworking people who were opening up their economy and would rightly rule the world in some sort of “the meek shall inherit the earth”-type scenario. WRONG! Oh god was I ever wrong. It is all just a carefully crafted “face” upon a rotten interior.

He penned this article at the peak of his frustration with the people, the culture, everything.

“We are more evolved than you.” The first time I heard that from a Chinese person I was stunned. My interlocutor explained that we Westerners are hairier – more like animals. During my time in mainland China it never occurred to me that these people could be more evolved than anyone in the remotest way possible. But now I have been overwhelmed by the evidence. This is an advanced race.

Monkey eating from stick.

Chinese people are so far ahead that they have invented advanced tools for eating: sticks. This is beyond the comprehension of a feeble minded Westerner such as myself and is done, apparently, in imitation of another superior species, the chimpanzee.

But as this characteristic is shared with lesser peoples in Asia, it is not what truly sets the Chinese ahead on the evolutionary path. Behavior, immediately observable, is what sets these people apart from a majority of the human race. To outsiders too stupid to realize superior methods when they see it, Chinese roads appear to be completely disorganized – a “cluster fuck” even. Whether traveling by car, bicycle, moped, donkey, or on foot, the Chinese seemingly act in complete inconsideration and obliviousness to others and to everything around them. For example:

• Driving on sidewalks.
• Laying on the horn when driving on sidewalks and encountering pedestrians.
• Meandering to the left and right like a drunk so as to obstruct the travels of as many people as possible.
• Entering traffic without checking if the route is clear.
• Consistently playing games of chicken with anyone walking / driving toward you – best done with children in tow.
• Making sure to look in a direction other than where he or she is walking / driving.
• Never, ever, using rear view mirrors – superior people don’t need them.
• Pausing in the middle of roads and intersections out of indecisiveness.
• Going the wrong way down roads, bike lanes, whatever.
• Not standing in line. Ticket booths and cashiers are to be swarmed upon in defiance of those who got there first.
• If forced into something resembling a queue – only possible with steel guardrails – pushing the back of the person in front of you.
• Urinating in public.
• Shitting in the street – leaning the ass over the curb is best, despite public toilets being everywhere.
• Spitting; for God’s sakes, spitting everywhere.
• Smoking on elevators; the nicotine fix must not be delayed.
• Letting kids pee on subways.
• Squatting in lieu of chairs.
• Forcing their way into subways and elevators before the current occupants have exited.

But if these don’t impress you as the doings of Übermenschen, certainly you will be convinced of the superiority of the Chinese after observing them eating. In the summertime, Chinese men will roll up their shirts in sort of a faux tank-top to reveal their perfect bodies – Buddha, of course, being the masculine ideal. Faces must be brought down to within inches of bowls since the Chinese are rightfully proud of using sticks, despite their impracticality for eating rice and noodles. Eating is done feverishly with as much slurping and other noises as possible. Speaking is done only with half-chewed mouths of food, so that everyone else can see that, yes, the process of digestion has begun. Bones are spit out on the table. Know-nothing foreigners might compare this behavior to dogs, but in fact it is that of greater people.

Then there was a recent incident which truly displayed the highly evolved nature of the Chinese. A two year old girl was hit by not just one, but two cars. 18 people then walked past the critically injured, unconscious, bleeding little girl on the ground, some even callously stepping over her. It took seven minutes for someone to finally stop and seek help. The girl would later die in the hospital. This incident shows China’s adherence to strict interpretation of Darwinian survival of the fittest. The weak are not to be coddled. Some have tried to downplay this superior Chinese mentality by saying that people are afraid to help due to legal consequences. Fortunately, the video shows otherwise. Not a single one of the 18 passersby broke stride or displayed signs of any moral conundrums in ignoring a dying little girl. See for yourself:

So, you have been convinced that mainland Chinese are superior people – not disgusting, uncaring savages as you might have previously thought. In fact I don’t see how I could have been so wrong previously in thinking otherwise.

Tags: china