Roosh is a PUA blogger. He travels the world and has sex with women. Giving advice and detailing his exploits is his job. Not bad, huh? He spent six months in Medellin. He wrote Colombia Bang, a how-to book on getting laid in Colombia. It’s only $5 and worth the investment if you want to bang Colombian women.
Buy Colombia Bang for $5 (using that link supports Expat Chronicles)
The first chapter, “Welcome to Colombia,” doesn’t offer anything new to readers of this blog. However, I’ll highlight this passage on Bogota:
The air pollution is abominable and you may find yourself choking on fumes during taxi rides through congested streets. Without a rail system, the city’s size becomes unmanageable, and getting from one part of town to another is a headache. The weather is mild during the day but cool and rainy at night. There is a slight bohemian and hipster vibe among the females, with Converse shoes and mullets being common among both sexes.
I can’t argue. However, maybe not on the paisa women but there are exponentially more mullets in Medellin than Bogota.
The girls here are arguably more attractive because of the shallower paisa culture, which teaches young women to aim for looks instead of brains. Gigantic fake breasts are not uncommon (as well as ass implants), especially in the richest part of town (El Poblado). This creates a cheesier vibe than Bogotá, but Medellín’s permanent summer is also more pleasing to the eyes, since girls don’t need to pile on the thick clothing.
It’s not arguable. Paisa chicks are more attractive. Not only do they spend more time on themselves, but the paisa bloodline is more Spanish and less Indian, and most people prefer the European look.
Roosh chose Medellin because:
[W]ith pleasant weather, bountiful supply of single women, and modern public transportation, it’s a rather easy choice. If you want something more spicy without the gringo hordes, Cali should be your pick. If you want a more progressive vibe along with a large selection of restaurants and clubs then choose Bogotá.
Exactly. Eternal spring with the best-looking white women and friendliest people = Medellin. Spicy salsa with the biggest butts and flirtiest women = Cali. International metropolis with the best restaurants, nightlife, business opportunities, and museums = Bogota.
The second chapter’s titled “Logistics” and lists travel resources and gringo websites on the lifestyle, followed by sub-sections “Packing,” “Calculating a Budget,” and “A Sound Strategy for Learning Spanish.” The third chapter, “Culture,” gets into the guts of getting laid in Colombia. I’ve highlighted certain passages and added my own feedback.
Many girls have a tag technique where they call you and let the phone ring just once so you get the hint and call her back. This is their way of saying they want to talk to you but are unable (or unwilling) to pay for it.
It actually rings less than once. It’s a fraction of a ring. This technique is very popular, especially among prepagos (who there’s no reason to call back anyway) and women of lower morals. In fact, I wouldn’t trust any of the girls who’ve called me like that. However, I myself do this not only to girls but also friends. The reason I do it, however, isn’t because I’m too cheap to use my credit. I do it when I want it to appear as if I called someone when I don’t really want to talk.
Another Colombian nightlife feature is that girls rarely go out with only girls—they go out with other men. Because the girls can’t afford to buy their own drinks (remember they can’t even afford to keep up a balance on their cell phone), they’ll always be trying to go out with guys who will pay their way. It’s common for a girl to check you out but within a protected ring of dudes, leaving you with few options to start an interaction. Since at least one of those guys is paying for drinks and trying to get in her pants, he’ll more often than not be displeased if you make headway with her, and even if you do make headway, she’s not going to hook up with you in front of her social circle.
This is the biggest obstacle to getting laid in Colombia. Nobody says it, but Colombia’s a sausage-fest. It’s not only because girls don’t want to pay for drinks. I attribute it to Colombia’s long history of violence. I’ve even heard that outdoor patios like at Irish Pub are a recent phenomenon – most Bogota bars were all closed up to the outside streets for decades. Shootouts were common in Zona Rosa in the 90s.
The only way to avoid the sausage-fest is to hit the most expensive clubs and spend like a gringo on vacation, which may not be in the budget if you live here. But the premiere discotecas of Zona Rosa and Park 93 have plenty of unattended women.
Colombian society is constructed to make it as hard as possible for you to get laid, thwarting you every step of the way.
100% true unless you count banging whores as getting laid. Getting laid with non-gold digger, non-prepago Colombianas is difficult.
I got a chuckle from this one:
American girls are significantly fatter, but Colombian girls aren’t exactly the thinnest culture you’ll come across—it’s very hard to find one who doesn’t have some pudge around her belly or extra fat on her arms … You’ll find a good amount of chubby girls, but not massive cows like in the States.
Even truer in the brisk climate of Bogota.
You’ll find [Colombian girls] to be flakey, unreliable, and seemingly not too serious about fucking, especially at younger ages. The truth is that Colombian girls aren’t as horny as American girls and banging one won’t be the easiest thing you attempt. The moon and the stars have to be aligned almost perfectly for her to decide it’s time to get laid. The result is that you’ll have a pile of numbers that quickly wind up in purgatory … Besides having actual game, the most important quality in gaining your Colombian flag is raw animal persistence.
FLAKY Colombian women. This CAN’T be understated, and it’s worse in Bogota. “Flaky, unreliable, and seemingly not too serious about fucking” – you’re going to deal with a lot of this. “[Y]ou’ll have a pile of numbers that quickly wind up in purgatory” – I couldn’t count them on all my fingers and toes. “The most important quality in gaining your Colombian flag is raw animal persistence” – this is something that’s held me back. I like to think it’s because I have DIGNITY. But I know I’ve dropped lines that didn’t necessarily warrant dropping. If I call a girl three times and we haven’t met, I’m done. Shit, I’d only call three times for a girl I really like. Colombian women will blow guys off for weeks when there may be a chance, partly because Colombian men have that persistence. Also, Colombian women can act like that because they’re so physically attractive; they have all the power. They’re hotter than Brazilian women but brasileras have a better reputation because they’re not such a pain in the ass.
In the United States I don’t advise using the Internet because of the ease of meeting girls in bars and clubs. If a man wants to approach ten girls on a weekend night in any medium-sized American city, he’ll easily be able to do so, since there’s really no shortage of available girls for him to practice his game on.
It’s a different story in Colombia. There’s a difficulty that doesn’t exist in the States: finding targets. You can be in a huge Colombian club with hundreds of people, dancing to a rotating mix of house music, salsa, or reggaeton, and literally see nothing suitable around you to approach. The reason is because girls hang with other guys, usually at tables. You can approach girls with other guys—and you’ll learn how shortly—but the success rate of these approaches is low because so much of your time is spent integrating yourself into the group rather than gaming your girl. Therefore we must drag the Internet option out of the woodwork to compensate for these nightlife difficulties.
I’ve never liked the internet thing and not gotten into it here, unless you count my marriage ad (for which I did get inquiries). But Roosh is right, especially if you’re only in Colombia for a short time. Get some leads via internet beforehand. I’d caution you however that internet is the natural habitat of visa-hunting bricheras.
The Internet strategy is a pure numbers game and no doubt you’ll feel like a copy-and-paste monkey, but in the end it does work and personally resulted in my second Colombian bang. Spend at least thirty minutes a day on these sites building up prospects and don’t be cheap when it comes to shelling out money for the pay sites. I’ve met a few guys who had dates lined up during their one-week Colombian vacation by hitting all three sites like a horny grizzly bear. Even one success from Internet gaming will make you feel quite satisfied, especially if it results in your flag.
Day game is a great way to meet girls outside of the artificial club environment and will be a strong preference for guys who aren’t drinkers. In the States it’s used mostly to supplement nighttime activities, but in Colombia day game takes on a more serious importance because of the already mentioned difficulties of meeting Colombian girls in bars. To guarantee your Colombian flag, you’ll have to make more approaches during the day than at night. This isn’t going to be particularly easy or enjoyable, since you’ll be alone without the loosening effects of friends or alcohol, but it has to be done to ensure success.
DAY GAME. Write that down. Also, “[I]n Colombia day game takes on a more serious importance because of the already mentioned difficulties of meeting Colombian girls in bars.” Write that down, too. Because when night falls, this city’s women disappear, especially in Chapinero, Bogota, a neighborhood crawling with hot young Colombianas during the day. It’s like magic – when night falls they disappear. I blame the history of violence.
I actually got turned on to day game from The Mick. He’s always hollering at girls in the street in the mornings and afternoons. Gringos, get it OUT OF YOUR MIND that you’re going to go out at night, meet girls getting drunk, and hook up that way like happens in most of the world and even Latin America. You’re setting yourself up for failure. In Colombia, and especially Bogota, meet them and get numbers during the day, and get to know them later or make evening plans.
Universities in Colombia have armed guards at the gates, so you’ll need to bring your driver’s license or some form of identification to gain access (I don’t recommend bringing your passport, since it may not be stored securely). Tell the guard you’re either thinking of signing up for a language class or would like to study at the library. If that doesn’t work, go to another entrance and simply say you’d like to attend class and need to talk to the director of language studies. Since there are multiple entrances and different guards, you can perform this scam for quite a while.
I live in the heart of Chapinero, surrounded by tens of thousands (if not hundreds of thousands) of college students and it never occurred to me to hang out on campuses. This is a great strategy that forms a central tenet of Roosh’s strategy to getting laid in Colombia.
One criticism of this part of the book is that all his “approaches” in universities revolve around studying Spanish, which is great for backpackers or people here for a short time, but it won’t work for expats.
All of us expats have faked not speaking or having poxy Spanish before (especially with cops or when needing a new ticket to Machu Picchu). But I don’t feel comfortable faking it for more than five minutes. It’s just a matter of time before they smell it on you and you’re caught. Something they say is going to provoke a facial expression that gives you away, or you’re going to get annoyed at the slow pace of the conversation and “dramatically improve,” or you’re going to see somebody you know and say “¿Q’HUBO PUES PARCE, BIEN O NO?”
I’ve thought of taking a Spanish literature course at a local university, but I wouldn’t recommend “opening” a girl with a question on the finer points of El olvido que seremos or even Colombian history because most Latinos don’t read. However, if you want a smart one like I do, that’ll weed out the ones who spend all their time watching telenovelas, internet chatting, and taking pictures of themselves. Otherwise, get a new opener. From my experience in opening, just start doing it regularly. If you’re approaching women regularly, openers just pop into your head.
When advising strategy for picking up chicks in the mall, here’s an example of a question to keep her engaged:
“Where’s a good place to buy skinny jeans?”
Jesus, Roosh. No man should ever say that in any language. SHUT UP AND SQUAT!
I’ve concluded that going out in the United States is more about meeting someone new, but in Colombia it’s about hanging out with people you already know. You’re further limited by only having three nights to consistently find girls out and about (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday).
Thursday, Friday, Saturday doesn’t apply to Bogota. It takes some research, but there’s rumba 7 days a week unless it’s ley seca or a puente.
I don’t recommend that you open during the day in English because it comes across as presumptive and arrogant, but at night, where you want to be a little arrogant, go ahead and start off in English.
I don’t find it arrogant, but I’m not Colombian. Still, if you don’t speak Spanish then it’s a good way to find chicks who speak English. Keep in mind that any Colombian who speaks English wants to practice. Part of it is showing off but part of it is sincerely wanting to practice. They don’t have loads of immigrants like developed countries do, so good students take advantage. Plus any colombiana who speaks English is probably open to dating gringos.
[A]void buying drinks for girls who don’t reward you with some sort of intimacy first, even though it wouldn’t be expensive to do so.
I generally agree with this advice, and definitely in Gringolandia. And I’m VERY MUCH against picking up all the tabs once dating.
Still, Colombia’s a different story. As Roosh stated, there’s a long line of guys willing to buy all a girl’s drinks. Colombian women (especially attractive ones) are very materialistic. If you come off cheap to a girl you just met, you’ll be dismissed. Plus, in South American bars you buy the whole bottle. If a major part of your sexual strategy is getting a girl drunk, as it is a part of mine and Roosh’s, you want to get the bottle on the table. You can have the girl come out her pockets for the vaca, but it’s faster and more convenient to just take care of it.
If you’re at a place that has a dance floor, I suggest you use it. Dancing is very important to Colombian girls and you should put in a token effort to show her that you’re capable of sharing one of her passions. It’s not important to be a good dancer, since I’ve seen a ton of horrible gringo dancers with decent-looking girls, but it’s important to give it your best for a few songs because there is no bigger buzzkill to a Colombian girl than a guy who doesn’t dance at all.
One word: salsa! Hit the salseras. My favorite is Goze de Pagano in el centro / La Candelaria. Although salsa spots can be terrible about not having unaccompanied women – tables of big groups of girls and guys – it’s no big deal to dance with a girl from another group. It’s actually expected and part of salsa culture. Bring girls you know to trade. Salsa is SEXY. “It’s not important to be a good dancer,” as Roosh says, but if you learn the basic steps it makes a big difference. Not only will your dance partner get into you, but other girls watching will want a piece. The importance of dancing in Colombia and greater Latin America can’t be understated.
Colombia isn’t as much of a one-night stand culture as America, so you’ll find that the pick-up usually ends with a measly number. Even kisses are much harder to come by on the same night you meet, but that’s no surprise because half her social circle will be looking on.
True. I’ve actually been missing gringas for some time. And I always enjoy them when I go back home. The gender roles in developed countries have been blurred. Gringas make the first move. Latinas not so much. And one night stands – MANY more in the US.
I’m confident that you’ll find getting numbers isn’t especially hard, whether during the day, night, or on the Internet. The hardest part is actually getting them out on dates.
This goes back to their flakiness, and it can’t be understated. Numbers ending up in purgatory.
At this point it’s worth mentioning the prepago, a gold digger who actively seeks out gringos in order to get wined and dined.
This is actually an incorrect definition of Colombian slang. A prepago is a ho. As in, pay a certain amount of cash beforehand, then have sex. You can wine and dine her if you want, but a prepago gets paid in cash for having sex. Colombian slang doesn’t really have a term for gringo-hunters like brichera in Peru, but I’ve heard gringera and cazadora de gringos used.
I can see how Roosh could’ve used ‘prepago’ in that way for months and never been corrected. If talking to any Colombian, it doesn’t necessarily render this passage untrue:
It’s true that some gringos don’t mind dating a prepago, just like how many American men don’t mind dating a girl who’s into him for his money. They know they’re indirectly paying for it anyway, so that fact doesn’t faze them … If you’re not sure if you have a prepago on your hands, ask yourself the following question: “Could a normal Colombian guy afford the things this girl expects from me?” … I estimate that there’s only a 15% chance you’ll actually meet one during your one month or less stay in Colombia.
Maybe due to non-ho Colombianas being such a pain in the ass, the culture of prostitution in Colombia is VAST. There are loads of prepagos. So if a girl pulled some gold digger stunt on you, you could tell a Colombian the story and they’d respond, ‘She’s a ho.’ Hence Roosh’s confusion.
Many prepagos date on the side, and their dating practices are obviously gold digger-esque. So prepagos are more than willing to date gringos. I know some that hang around La Candelaria. They’re a gang of seemingly clean college girls who date gringos and work as hoes in the high end brothels up north. Prepagos are so common in this country, I’m 100% positive that at least ONE gringo, maybe as many as FIVE, reading this in Colombia are dating a girl who either has worked or is currently working as a ho. With my experience in the Bogota sex industry, I’m 100% positive.
Only use text messaging if you know for a fact that it’s a method of communication she uses, since she probably won’t have the balance to reply to messages. (I dated a Colombian girl for months who never sent me a single text message.) I also suspect some girls simply don’t “get” text messaging. It’s a safe bet to use it if she sends you messages first, but generally speaking the less Americanized she is, the more likely it is that she won’t.
I’ve never run into this, but I haven’t dealt with any lower estrato girls.
Understand that you can be flexible about contacting her. Many guys who are short on time call the next day and have succeeded that way. I’m a fan of waiting at least two days because you don’t want to show that you’re needy.
Waiting at least two days, popularized in classic bachelor flick Swingers, is standard operating procedure in Gringolandia. However, I’ve reversed course in Colombia. Colombian FLAKINESS makes it difficult after a few days. The line’s gone cold so many times. And I’ve had seemingly cool-playing Colombian girls call me the very next day after meeting in a drunken rumba, so I started calling the next day while the coals are still hot. I may be wrong here. I shoot myself in the foot a lot. I’m not the expert, Roosh is.
In fact, cute young girls are so flakey that we need to introduce a specific move that will greatly reduce the likelihood of the flake. After telling her you’re going to confirm the date on Thursday afternoon, simply give her radio silence once Thursday rolls by. Don’t contact her. If she attempts to call or text you at some point in the late afternoon or early evening, that means she got anxious or excited about going out with you and wanted to ask if the date is still on for the night. Pick up the phone or text her back and set the time as usual. (If she attempts to contact you in the morning or early afternoon, it’s probably to cancel.) There are times I’ve pulled this move and the girl didn’t call or text me, meaning she didn’t give a shit about me to see if the date was on or not.
I don’t recommend using this move on girls who are showing extraordinary interest or who were easy to get in touch with. You’ll know to use it on those girls who took two weeks simply to get on the phone or agree to a date. Always use it on wishy-washy girls, but restrain from using it on girls who have given you zero flakey suspicions.
EXCELLENT idea. I wish I’d done something similar with the more attractive girls who I let go. Maybe, with those ones, use this tool and don’t take it personally if they don’t call. Then employ a little “raw animal persistence” after the missed date, acting as if nothing happened.
For some reason, Messenger has taken hold in South America and is the preferred instant chat program, above AIM, Google Chat, or Yahoo Messenger … It’ll be a given that her email will be from Hotmail, so you can plug that into Messenger and her contact will pop up. That said, don’t use Messenger. It ties you to the computer and offers no benefits over email when it comes to setting dates.
I just want to gripe about how Microsoft dominates Latin America. Seriously, Latinos reading this, don’t have a Hotmail address in 2011. Make the switch to Gmail. You’ll thank me later. On a sidenote, however, FB chat has supplanted Messenger and Google Chrome has spanked IE down in the browser industry due to its inherent bad-ass-ness and also poor bandwidth / slow internet connections.
Besides getting stood up, a bad thing that could happen on the date is her bringing along a relative, invariably a “cousin.” In that case, she’s pegging you for a chump that’s going to treat them both to drinks. You have two options here to save face: call a friend to come and occupy the cousin or say you forgot your money and have to go home to get it.
There’s actually another option: making her pay. I wish more gringos would start doing this, because you’re fucking it up for the rest of us. Don’t be weak.
This is actually some ho shit if you ask me. Gold digger at best, but hoes do this. Unfortunately it’s common, though it’s never happened to me. Being a PUA, Roosh was surely attracting everything and anything he could. But the other guys I know who this has happened to, for most it’s happened more than once. Some guys attract those women like bees to honey. I don’t. It’s like they can smell the frugality and brokeness on me.
Now this is where I tell you that Colombian girls are harder to kiss than American girls. There is an unfortunately high chance that she won’t let you get close enough for the kiss at the second venue. Then you’ll have to make a last ditch effort before you escort her home or into a taxi. The best way to know if a girl is ready to be kissed is if you get in really close to her face and she holds steady while maintaining eye contact. If she can’t keep eye contact and does her best to look away, she’s definitely not ready.
I have a different way of dealing with proper-actin’ Latinas, though I imagine it’s not consistent with PUA practices. It works for me. I call it “bulldozing the bitch.” Best case scenario, you’re making out. Worst case, you know where you stand and don’t waste any more time. And even in those worst cases, those silly bitches often hit me up later on FB after I forgot about them.
After you’re done beating her pussy up (congrats on your flag), call her a taxi, assuming she doesn’t want to stay. This is the point where she may make several comments about how much a taxi costs. For theatrical effect, she may look through her purse and have an exasperated look on her face as if she forgot her massive wad at home. She may then straight-up ask for money. If I like the girl, I take a hard line: I don’t give her anything. I tell her that she’s welcome to spend the night and take the bus in the morning. If I never want to see the girl again, I give her the taxi money to get rid of her.
I’m against paying for everything, but I’m not against getting the taxi especially beforehand. I’ve mostly heard it before a booty call. They want to come over but don’t have taxi fare. If that’s going to make or break the deal, get the taxi. Also, you have to keep in mind that America’s 10% unemployment is historically high. Colombia’s 10% unemployment is historically low. A lot of people, especially young people, simply don’t have money.
The reason I don’t think you should give taxi money to a girl you like is because she’ll lose respect for you afterward. We want her to see us as a man she has to put in effort to spend time with, not a wallet that she just has to show up, eat, drink, and spread her legs for. If she wants the benefits of dating a fun gringo, she has to pay for the cab ride to have a good time with him. Besides having to please you, that’s the most we’re going to ask from her. In the end, dating a middle class girl will always be preferred over dating poor girls, where the line between a normal relationship and prostitution becomes blurry.
Don’t pick up all the tabs unless she’s pooped out a few of your kids already.
[W]hen you return home and start macking again, something will seem off. The women in your country will be hideous, fat, cold, and full of masculine attitude. You’ll feel lethargic, uninspired, and unmotivated. And this is where you’ll miss Colombian women. Their jealousy and neediness, which you found annoying at the time, will turn out to be endearing and almost charming. Their femininity and ability to please a man will be miles ahead of the girls you meet at your favorite watering hole back home. You’ll stare at the calendar, check your budget, see how many days off you can get from work, and then plan your glorious return.
A great ode not just to Colombian women, but Latinas in general. My first Latin girlfriend was a Brazilian over ten years ago and I’m certainly past the point of no return. Although I do occasionally miss gringas, I’m resolved to my lifelong love affair with the Latin woman.
Whether you’re pondering a trip to Colombia or you’ve already gotten residency, Colombia Bang is a useful guide in getting laid in Colombia. It’s five fuckin’ dollars, and buying a copy keeps this blog in business. What are you waiting for?
Buy Colombia Bang for $5. Also, don’t forget you’ll have most success meeting women DURING THE DAY. Roosh wrote a non-country-specific guide for that called Day Bang.
(buying through those links supports Expat Chronicles)
I know a lot of people have less-than-loving feelings for PUA and the seduction community. So if you want to air those complaints, I’m going to be a little lax on my comment policy when it comes to respect. Roosh is a public figure, as are other PUA writers, so they can handle a little more criticism. However, you still have to use your real name unless you’re commenting under the name of your linked website.
UPDATE 2014: Do not email me for Bogota Brothel Tours. I am completely out of the business and don’t even live in Colombia anymore. Here is a new Bogota brothel tour service you can contact instead of bothering me. Because I won’t even reply.