My Ugly American Rant
Posted on 07. Oct, 2011 by Colin in colombia, other countries, uncategorized
Alternate Title: Monroe Doctrine was Good for Latin America
Alternate Title: The Case for American Influence
I’m an ugly American, maybe the ugliest you know. I meet all the stereotypes international snobs complain about. And I don’t care.
I’m tired of expats crying about how I’m ruining the image of Americans or foreigners here in Colombia. I couldn’t give a fuck less. I’ve lost exactly zero minutes of sleep thinking about what my landlord or neighbors or clients or any other Colombian thinks of Americans. I’ll be as loud and opinionated as I want. A better question: why do you care?
If someone has a dim view of Americans then they’re ill-informed, hypocrites, posers, phony, and/or full of shit.
They usually cry about American foreign policy. Yes we’ve fucked up here and there (Guatemala coup or William Walker), but generally their gripes are cliche and inconsistent. That’s why their ideas get eaten for breakfast on the world stage among people that matter.
The most intense criticism of American policy concerns Iraq. I’m not going to argue Iraq. But still, where are the “anti-imperialists” and their condemnation of American intervention in LIBYA? Gaddafi didn’t kill anywhere near as many as Saddam Hussein did. Where’s the backlash? Even with the “international coalition” his regime lasted seven months. Without gringo intervention Gaddafi would’ve put the resistance down ten times over. He had a steel grip. Anti-Americans’ silence on Libya is deafening. Look at the Wikipedia article on protests against Libya intervention. The picture from Minneapolis has like 20 protesters. I threw bigger parties at my apartment in Arequipa!
So somebody will point out it’s an international coalition. Do you know what “international coalition” means? It means the other developed countries of the world support an American intervention. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re going to help. Last June exiting Defense Secretary Robert Gates blasted European nations for not carrying their weight. Select quotes from his speech:
There will be dwindling appetite and patience in the U.S. … to expend increasingly precious funds on behalf of nations that are apparently unwilling … to be serious and capable partners in their own defense.
On Libya:
The mightiest military alliance in history is only 11 weeks into an operation against a poorly armed regime in a sparsely populated country, yet many allies are beginning to run short of munitions, requiring the U.S., once more, to make up the difference.
Gates worked alongside European leaders for a long time before dropping this. I’ll translate his politically shrewd language to ugly American English:
You people can’t defend yourselves. So as The Rock says, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!” If you can’t back it up your opinion’s worth as much as Venezuela’s. That’s why your opinion didn’t matter in Iraq.
And to the non-American extranjeros in Colombia, let’s talk about the improved security situation in Colombia. Do you think you’d be here if it weren’t for Plan Colombia? While ex-president Alvaro Uribe (one of George W. Bush’s top 3 allies along with Tony Blair and John Howard) will go down as the man who restored security, his predecessor Andres Pastrana deserves some credit.
Andres Pastrana gave the FARC a “demilitarized zone” – a safe haven the size of Switzerland. The FARC regrouped and launched bigger offensives. That move is universally seen as a fuck-up and Pastrana the weakest on security for generations. People say he was lobbying to win a Nobel Peace prize. HOWEVER, at the same time he was playing nice with the guerrillas, Pastrana laid the groundwork with the United States for Plan Colombia.
It’s hard to zero in on an exact number, but Plan Colombia has, to date, amounted to north of $7 billion over ten years. So while Uribe was definitely the right guy to manage that money, he couldn’t have implemented his mano firme, corazon grande policy without ‘Plan Colombia’ (read ‘US dollars’). For Uribe to build up the military, hold all the towns, and force the guerrillas into the jungle, he needed money. And Pastrana was the one who jumped into bed with the gringos.
There are lots of nationalist, anti-American Colombians in Bogota. Read the writing on the walls. It’s ironic because they know how it was 10 – 20 years ago. If you had money you didn’t leave the city. No Villa de Leyva, no Girardot, nothing. The country roads were getting blockaded by guerrillas or for-profit kidnappers. Contrast that with the last few years, in which “the only risk is wanting to stay.”
So to the Colombians and extranjeros in Colombia, on behalf of the United States of America, you’re welcome!
Anti-Americanism in the region brought to power leaders like Hugo Chavez, Evo Morales, and Rafael Correa, plus Fidel Castro and Daniel Ortega before them. What really pisses off proud South Americans is the Monroe Doctrine, in which America officially declared it’d be the primary influence in this hemisphere.
Being the ugly American, I’ll argue America’s positive impact via Monroe Doctrine. Let’s look at the two most extreme cases of Latin American countries rejecting vs. accepting American influence (excluding US territory Puerto Rico or the complex relationship with Mexico). These countries are Panama and Chile as those accepting US influence and Cuba and Venezuela as those rejecting.
Panama
The Panama Canal, an engineering wonder of the world, has a fascinating history. America’s proposal to build the canal forced the issue of Panama separating from Colombia (which Panamanians had wanted for years). In exchange for building it, America got control. The US gave control back in 1999, but for almost 100 years the Panama Canal was controlled by the US. That’s 100 years of gringos in country, a HUGE diplomatic operation, and gringos teaching efficiency in Panama. After the handover, the Panamanians improved many performance indicators of the canal. Think the Panama Canal would be that way if the gringos had never been there?
Today, Panama’s official currency is the US dollar (along with the Balboa which seems a sovereign afterthought). It’s a financial hub for international companies, and it’s known as a safe and sophisticated place among Latin Americans. Panama enjoys a coveted image in Latin America: safe, stable, and economically prosperous.
Chile
Argentina was the economic darling of the early 20th century. I’ve read that per capita GDP exceeded that of America’s for a time in the 1920′s. Since then Argentina has consistently elected economically incompetent leaders, starting with Peron and unfortunately continuing today.
Eager to take their place as the continent’s shining light was Chile under right-wing dictator Pinochet. Human rights violator and freedom oppressor? Yes. But did he do anything right? Yes again. Pinochet brought in the Chicago Boys to form his economic ministry.
The Chicago Boys were a group of Chilean students handpicked and sent to the University of Chicago, America’s most prestigious econ school, to study under Milton Friedman, America’s top economist. So these Chileans studied American-style, free-market economics and then returned to Chile to implement capitalist reforms.
What’s happened in just three decades? The Miracle of Chile. Chile’s image is what Argentina’s was. Santiago, the capital, is a technology and big business hub. Crime rates are similar to Panama and Costa Rica. In 2010 Chile suffered the strongest earthquake on record to hit a major city. Yet due to strong infrastructure and efficiency it’s largely recovered while Haiti will be devastated for decades from a weaker earthquake. But it wasn’t until the 2010 mining disaster that Chile truly gained the respect of the world by rescuing all 33 miners trapped in a copper mine cave-in, changing global perceptions about Latin American inefficiency and incompetence.
Cuba
What to say about Cuba? They survived most of their existence on USSR financial aid, and now Venezuelan petrodollars. They’re good at some things like making cigars, educating doctors, and training boxers. On the other hand, Cuban citizenry regularly tear their houses down to build rafts and face shark-infested waters in hopes of reaching US soil for political asylum (remember Elian?). Not so many Cuban-Americans do the same to go back. And on Cuba’s strong sports of boxing and baseball, most of those athletes defect when given the chance.
A gringo who visited Cuba said it’s the closest thing he’d seen of humanity devolved 100 years. Carts pulled by oxen was an image that stuck. Another Spanish speaking gringo who visited complained it was expensive. I asked what he was talking about because it’s supposedly poor as shit. He said most of it is, so poor in fact that you’d be an asshole if you drink with the common people. It’s just too poor. A gringo wouldn’t feel comfortable drinking outside the overpriced tourist districts.
Would you move to Cuba permanently? Or would you prefer Panama or Chile?
Venezuela
I don’t even know where to start here. I’ve religiously followed America’s top regional nemesis Hugo Chavez for over four years now. I haven’t been able to pull the trigger on “My Hugo Chavez Rant” because I only want to write about him once. And I can’t do a definitive piece because the news keeps getting more shocking and head-shaking every year.
From the worthlessness of the currency (you can’t sell Venezuelan Bolivares anywhere in the region; it’s literally worthless), the crime rate, the absence of foreign investment, their incompetence and uncompetitiveness in their only industry (oil), the shortages and rotting food, the “robolución” and government gangsters, there’s just too much to write up. Following Hugo Chavez news is almost sadistic. I feel bad, like the people of Detroit want you to feel for looking at ruin porn.
Hugo Chavez went public with prostate cancer a few months ago. Shaved head for chemotherapy, he’s spending a lot of time with top Cuban doctors. He’s got a tough election next year, which he’ll probably win if he can stay healthy. Then again, a tough election can take its toll on a man’s health. What will be next for Venezuela? I have no idea. But with all that oil it’d take a long time for them to fall as low as Cuba.
Note: Both Cuba and Venezuela were producing and bringing money in before their respective socialist takeovers (Havana was a party town and Venezuela has oil). But the uneven distribution of income and gross inequality (the Spanish legacy) swept these leaders to power. So don’t blame America, blame the Spanish!
Despite this brief experiment, someone with zero education in economics is going to leave a dependency theory comment about America robbing, raping, and bullying these countries and that’s why they’re poor. So I’ll preempt that by explaining that NO SERIOUS ECONOMISTS are dependency theorists anymore. This is 2011. The dependency theory leaders include Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro, and look how well they’ve done by reversing and keeping at bay gringo influence.
Moving past Latin America, look at all regions of the world. The countries allied with America are consistently better off in their region, especially compared with the enemies and “rogue nations.”
Educated and intellectually honest Colombians don’t disagree. I’ve had Colombians say in so many words, “We need the US.” It’s the peasant mentality that resents our influence. Ill-informed, uneducated peasants can look at the world without history or context and think, “No fair, gringos go home!” The enlightened leaders who will turn Colombia into a developed country reject the peasant mentality. As in your own life, when somebody has achieved what you hope to achieve, how do you treat him or her? I try to get on their team, to pick their brain, to get some of what they got. That’s why the intelligent, productive Latin Americans vote to team up with America while uninformed peasants elect Hugo Chavez.
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32 Responses to “My Ugly American Rant”
Leave a Reply
Colin (different Colin)
07. Oct, 2011
Isn’t Colombia the most pro-America country in latin america?
Ash
08. Oct, 2011
I’m a bit puzzled by this new article, however first things first I’d like to get a few things out of the way first.
- I’ve been following this blog for a few month now, and I think it’s one of the only readable”travel blogs”, most others are just plain cheesy, hypocritical or just boring.
- I don’t really think of myself as one of the “haters”, I don’t mind that you write about cocaine and “the mitch’s” prison stories, on the contrary, this is all the interest of your blog. I of course have been left a bit uneasy with the brothel tour, but I saw that more of a way to make money (in times of need) out of sex tourists or expats then about bringing sex tourists in. Maybe I’m wrong, I don’t know, but it still didn’t prevent me from reading this blog.
- As a french guy, I sincerely don’t have anything against Americans, I think the usual ridicule of Americans supposedly being all fat and ignorant absolutely moronic. I’d rather have a beer with a US “redneck” or some ghetto person then with a snobbish parisian.
- Of course, I have opinions on American society and “foreign policy”, but they are not that different from what I think about french society and “foreign policy”. I find french people who go on rants about the Iraq war but *forget* about the french involvement in say….. the genocide in Rwanda completely hypocritical.
All of that being said, HOWEVER:
- On all of these issues you pointed out: Venezuela, Uribe and plan Colombia, Lybia or the dependency theory, there are alternative positions out there, equally documented (if not more) and documentable, Why oh why did you choose to go for the most “conservative” ones? What is it about the situation that you are in that has brought you to take these very particular positions.
This is why I am puzzled. Maybe being a gringo in Colombia, and all the objective advantages it brings, brought a need to make an ideological legitimization of your presence there, I don’t know.
As I said, there are alternative views to each and everyone of the things you said. There ARE dependency theorists out there still, but the objective conditions in the academic fields prevent them from being anything else but “heterodox” ( in most L.A universities, independent research is almost impossible now, you have to produce quick marketable data, no in depth analysis of society. Plus the fact that economists are arguably the most ideologically-driven social scientists, due to the fact that they have always been government experts rather then independent researchers). An example? You can find some in the catholic university of Peru for example.
Colombia is safer? For the rich and middle class maybe, but it is not so sure for the majority, both urban and rural. Falsos positivos, reformed paramilitaries and the world’s highest rate of murdered unionist leaders might account for that.
I could also go on about Venezuela or Chile, but you get the drift.
william cordoba
08. Oct, 2011
This is very poorly researched Colin. There are too many factual and statistical errors and too much mere opinion presented as fact without address to opposing opinions.
In relation to Colombia specifically, you are wheeling out the official I-read-the-papers line… in the country with highest murder rate of independent journalists in the world? Stop and think.
Ash is right: dependency theory is actually increasing among independent economists.
It is usually the log in your eye that you can’t see. People have their complaints about the US administration. The main problem with US citizens however, that Americans are unaware of, is your naivity.
There are many countries where citizens swallow their administration’s deceit uncritically (see flag-waving jihadists in the middle east). Yet, among countries whose citizens enjoy relative economic and personal freedom and good access to information, the USA stands out as the worst case.
I enjoy your blog, by the way
Mr. J.M. Hoffer
08. Oct, 2011
You, sir, are an idiot of the first order. Thank you, and have a swell day.
Anonymous
08. Oct, 2011
You’re complaining about anti-American attitudes in Colombia, well how about anti-Colombian attitudes by (US) Americans! (US)Americans as a whole have a much worse image of Colombians than vice versa. There was recent survey conducted among G8 nations regarding the reputations of countries and Colombia came in 47th out of fifty! It came in dead last in Latin America, even below Cuba, Venezuela ,and Mexico and below Angola!
The fact is that the US has done great things for Latin America (ie Alliance for Progress), and it has done horrible things (i.e. illegal medical experimenting on Guatemalan citizens).
Jimmy
09. Oct, 2011
Great work Colin. I like your argument — would the world be better off with or without America?
Anti-americanism is not just a peasant phenomena.
University leftists around the globe are extremely anti-american.
Mike
09. Oct, 2011
If you want an interesting conversation, explain to a Mexican that the only reason that the national language of Mexico is not French is due to the United States forcing Napoleon III to withdraw from Mexico.
Mike
David
10. Oct, 2011
I thought that Colombia was very pro America.
I agree with you that on the whole the US has been a force for good – apart from supporting the Mujaheddin in Afghanistan (who were sum) and some Americans supporting the IRA in Northern Ireland (which encouraged the UVF/UFF/UDA etc to kill more people).
Nisarga
10. Oct, 2011
What a bunch of crap, I’m so happy you ugly, ignorant, arrogant gringos are running out of money, the world can finally be independent without your destructive presence.
Antoine
10. Oct, 2011
Hi Colin, I like your blog a lot, but I think that you need to inform yourself a bit more about the political situations of each country you have written about before commenting about them with that confidence. You are being biased in this article and this is what we call in spanish “Amarillismo”.
“A gringo who visited Cuba said it’s the closest thing he’d seen of humanity devolved 100 years. Carts pulled by oxen was an image that stuck. Another Spanish speaking gringo who visited complained it was expensive. I asked what he was talking about because it’s supposedly poor as shit. He said most of it is, so poor in fact that you’d be an asshole if you drink with the common people. It’s just too poor. A gringo wouldn’t feel comfortable drinking outside the overpriced tourist districts.”
Look, being Colombian myself I have to tell you that we also have carts pulled by oxens something called in Colombia “carro de mula”. I’ve been to Cuba myself in vacations visiting several places, drinking with locals, smoking their cigars, hanging out in the cities and clubbing until late at night and I have to tell you that I’ve never felt safer in a Latin American country than when I was in Cuba. (Remember that death penalty is still enforced in Cuba) Nobody wants to mess up with tourists there.
Expensive? no way! a beer cost you $1 at any bar, a mojito at the nicest bar in Old Havana (La bodeguita del Medio) where all the celebrities such as Sean Penn, Pierce Brosman and others hang out costs only $5. So please inform yourself before talking about something you have no idea just based on gossips from another “gringo who visited Cuba”.
Very disappointing article.
Samuel
10. Oct, 2011
I think the countries that are anti-American should have at least had the sense to stick it to the white devils by inviting them in and taking their money, much like Saudi Arabia did…
they can do us a lot more harm AND prosper themselves by being our ‘pals’ than they can by being isolationist.
I do think it would be frustrating to be an American choosing to live in Colombia and appreciate it / contribute to it… just to have the locals hate on you for being from America. It’s like they are too short-sighted to understand that just because of their animosity towards America holds, that they can’t make an exception for people who are from there but chose to leave it and come integrate in their. They should be flattered, not pissed.
I would think they would see the massive ineptitude that occurs in major sectors of Colombia and acknowledge that a little help would make a big improvement for their people and not be so ‘proud’ that they can’t make friends with those that would help. That’s just good common sense.
I will say that I would like very much to see Cuba and Venezuela. I hope that conditions improve enough that it might be possible to do so (and survive)
Seriously, if visitors and tourists have to worry about that, you are not running your country very well.
Colin
10. Oct, 2011
David – your correct, the Colombian gov’t is the most pro-American in the region. I’m referring more to the people, graffiti, and “Yanquis out!” taunts, which in all fairness is probably a tiny minority and concentrated here in Chapinero, Bogota.
Antoine – great comment, thanks for the info!
Rawley
11. Oct, 2011
Good post Colin! I agree with your Econ points pretty much accross the board.
On the culture side however, I know you acting like an “ugly American” on purpose is just to make a point, but I can say that in many many cases, though I do love my country, I don’t make it a point to hang out with other Americans when abroad. If I meet some that are cool, great but so far its been like a 50/50 chance of them being total shit bags.
Anders
11. Oct, 2011
Check this out. It pretty well sums up my views on my country.
http://www.fredoneverything.net/TeaParty.shtml
Rawley
12. Oct, 2011
Anders, I agree with some of what Fred is saying in that article. We simply cannot deny the truth in some of his statements. However I think him pointing at Tea Party folks is a bit misguided. I don’t get as involved in politics as I used to, but I don’t understand the up roar against the Tea Party. A basic move back to the constitution seems logical to me. The main problem is the Left (with its roots in the liberal media) can sling mud, call foul, and cry race. The right with big industry and neo-con Isreal supporting “Christians” can call them un-godly, un American, unrealistic..so they are catching shit from both sides, but I’m not sure exactly why.
Anyhow back to Fred’s article IMO a large part of the death of American exceptionalism is that we have (for a loooong time now and its showing) imported cheap and uneducated labor. While Juan mowes your grass, your son is playing Xbox instead of learning another language or actually maybe working somewhere to learn the value of a dollar. The white Americans have become lazy and force fed TV, ritalin and shitty cookie cutter educations. Oh and immigrant Americans (in most cases) have not necessarily risen up to meet the American dream.
Though, we are under a growing nanny state, we are still pretty “Free” in certain manners, which In think Fred fails to point out. Even in Canada you can be fined and possible even jailed for saying things deemed hateful. In Germany you can definitely do a fairly lenghty jail sentence, again for even saying aloud an unpopular opinion about a religion or group of people. At least here you can still say, print, broadcast your opinion no matter how unpopular people find it. That might be the last thing we have and that is dying fast as well.
thomas
12. Oct, 2011
Love your blog man.
rich
13. Oct, 2011
Not Anti-Us by any means, i think the US is sweet as. but you can’t really talk about US in Lat Am without talking about the United Fruit Company,, it wouldn’t be to far a stretch to say the influence they have had in the region has contributed a massive death count (a great instigator to the anti right movement )..
darin
14. Oct, 2011
Youve been in South America how long and this is the best you can come up with? The Chicago boys? Pinochet wasnt such a bad guy? Please tell ms this is a joke. Stick to writinv about coke and hookers.
Vasilios
14. Oct, 2011
Great article with strong factual information.. Entertaining and educational… Your knowledge in such wide range of topics is impressive when considering the limited time you have spent abroad. Keep up the good work and write as often as possible.
John
17. Oct, 2011
some one once said to me if it was not for us they would be digging ditches and swinging a machete this is a region that is still 1950′s America no matter where you go and is not for the lack of technology it is for the lack of open thinking typical of the 3rd world nations smile and shake your hand and as soon as you turn your back puts the knife in good and deep lets compliant about the work instead of thinking how to get it done faster and smarter ……..as far as Nisarga tell me where you are at bud I will take care of you slow and painful we can privately meet if you are in Bogota you only paid 1.50 USD to use that pc in a cafe because you cant even spell so you had to use word perfect to write what little you wrote
Mark
17. Oct, 2011
Yikes… political commentary is not your strong suit my man. When can we read about debauchery again?
Tom
20. Oct, 2011
This article was obviously not written by an American. It was written by probably an English guy or a Canadian guy who had some bad experience with an Americman. They are the two countries that seem to be jealous of, I mean have a problem with, the USA. I am an American and I have lived here for five years. Americans, as well as all of the foreigners who have managed to live here that long or more are successful and make a good living and are fairly intelligent. I know many foreigners here, living in very nice areas, and everybody is very supportive. There is no anti Americanism here. Colombians love Americans as well as all foreigners. They dont seem to really give a fuck where foreigners are from. The only people that may have a problem with Americans are scumbag backpackers who have no money because they are too busy living in shitty La Candelaria sniffing blow. So I am guessing some poor, pathetic piece of shit wrote this article who maybe had some bad experience with an American. No successful American in Colombia wrote this. That is a guarantee.
Colin
21. Oct, 2011
Tom, I actually don’t disagree entirely. Life in Bogotá, and everywhere in Latin America, gets considerably easier if you make a good living. I made a good living in Arequipa, Peru, but since going independent in Bogotá making ends meet has been difficult. Gringos who earn American salaries see a much different side of the people and culture than those earning Colombian salaries.
I should clarify my comments on anti-Americanism in Bogota. It’s certainly not everybody, and it’s certainly not anti-American on European or Middle Eastern standards. But I’ve never encountered the “gringo go home” mentality anywhere in Latin America like in Bogotá.
Re: “There is no anti Americanism here” – you must never read the writing on the walls (graffiti) or leave your tiny bubble of affluence.
Re: “No successful American in Colombia wrote this” – depends how you define successful. If you mean with money, you’re right thus far. But I enjoy success as a writer, in powerlifting, and in banging women without having to spend money on them
Anders
27. Oct, 2011
“Re: “No successful American in Colombia wrote this” – depends how you define successful. If you mean with money, you’re right thus far. But I enjoy success as a writer, in powerlifting, and in banging women without having to spend money on them ”
Right on……If this is “success”, by all means, count me in and please send me an invite to the party.
James
10. Nov, 2011
First post I have read on your website and its all your incessant whining about being American and how everyone hates you. No one gives a shit about your self-justifying rant. Came here to read about travel not politics. Stick to it.
Colin
11. Nov, 2011
James, if you kept reading you saw that while I write about travel, I wouldn’t call this a travel blog. What’s it about? Whatever the fuck I want.
Frank
22. Nov, 2011
Do some research before you post stuff like this Colombia has a GDP of over $288 Billion, where the hell do you get a$4 bill budget, now go back to being a junkie and stop your delusional perceptions of Colombia.
Colin
22. Nov, 2011
Frank, I don’t know where I got $4 billion, but I got it from somewhere. GDP is not the same as the government’s budget, and it could be so low since almost half of Colombia’s GDP isn’t reported / taxed. Either way, I’ve taken that sentence out.
Frank
22. Nov, 2011
This is true, however the GDP is closely related to the government budget, that was my point.
the correct amount for the national budget for 2012 at $91.2 billion.
here is a link:
http://colombiareports.com/colombia-news/economy/18959-colombian-budget-for-2012-approved.html
Colin
30. Mar, 2012
NY Times piece on growing anti-Brazilian sentiment in Latin America
Goes to show the more hated you are, the more important you are.
Padrino
21. Apr, 2012
This person has waaay too much time on his hands..
Twenty
22. Apr, 2012
The dollar value of Plan Colombia seems a little low to be so significant, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of GringoTech ™ came in mighty handy when locating and killing FARC-types. All that US SIGINT and NRO information …
Props to crediting Pinochet — Politics in Latin America are sometimes an ugly and bloody business, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a difference between wise and foolish policies. Leftists often manage to combine foolishness and evil, but for some reason are never called on the latter.
Rant: How many have the Castros imprisoned, tortured, and murdered? Where are the busybody Spanish judges on that score? Where are the condemnations of the FARCs “human rights abuses”? Or does scattering land mines about the countryside not count? (Let’s leave aside the routine kidnapping and murder, and just focus on the SWPL-approved evil of land mines.)