Smuggling Contraband from Colombia
Jump to Marijuana, Cocaine, Steroids, or Sinalgen (Colombian Vicodin).
I was to arrive in St. Louis just before Thanksgiving. At Thanksgiving, the men in my family always burn one after dinner. It’s usually the same guys who provide the jibber, and I realized I’ve never been the provider as I stared at a pile of cheap-ass Colombian marijuana on my counter. So I stuffed a fat bud into the pocket of one of the artesania handbags I bought as Christmas presents.
My strategy is generally not to use bags in smuggling tiny personal amounts in obscure places that would necessitate a thorough search to find. I’d brought weed from Amsterdam to the States before, but this was the first time I brought the other contraband items in this post.
Everybody got a kick out of the Colombian dirt-weed.
Once upon a time shortly after I booked my 6-week stay, my brother and our good buddy John were having a beer. When my brother told him I’d be in town for so long, John volunteered to let me stay at his place since it’s more convenient to where I’d be working. He was newly single and had an extra room.
John and I used to work out together. He uses steroids and, sometimes, cocaine. So I decided not to email or mention staying there until I saw him in person, where I’d surprise him with steroids and cocaine.
In keeping with the strategy, I was able to special order cocaine in such a hard rock that it wouldn’t need a bag or paper. If anything, it might’ve been overlooked as a piece of detergent or trash. I paid 20,000 pesos ($10) for one gram, and it proved to be what one would expect from Colombian quality. I ended up staying at his place around half the time I was in town.
Steroids were actually the sweeter part of the deal for John.
I didn’t know exactly how to get steroids; I was apprehensive being a gringo from a land where it’s illegal without a prescription. One day in a pharmacy I saw a box prominently displayed which read: DecaDurabolin. ‘Deca,’ as it’s known in performance-enhancing drugs circles, is one of the most-used steroids in athletic performance for its low rate of side effects.
I asked to see the box, which contained 10 small single-use vials. These steroids have beneficial uses for injuries and physical therapy. It’s sold as treatment for muscle pains - para los dolores is what the guy told me. Each vial cost 18,000 pesos.
Just before leaving Bogota, I bought all 8 vials that were available at a different place called Drogas La Economia, which is a low-cost pharmacy with only a walk-up counter (no walls separate the store from street). The lady there didn’t say anything about pains. She kept saying “para los musculos” and “fuerza” (strength). That eased my apprehension about buying drugs.
I removed the plastic case of vials from the box (which read in big letters, DecaDurabolin) and put it in my shaving kit. Each vial also had the name printed on them, but I thought it was a little more subtle and may pass for insulin shots or something. I flattened the box and used it as a bookmark in my flight book so I could show John how legit this stuff was.
John was thrilled. In his own words, “You can’t go wrong with deca.” He recognized the brand as being one of the industry’s most respected, but wasn’t impressed with the price I paid.
My last day in Bogota, I called my brother to touch base on a ride from the airport. He asked me if I was going to bring him any “yummy drugs.” He wanted Vicodin, in which I learned the active ingredient is Hydrocodone. A Google search or two yielded this Sinalgen discussion on Poorbuthappy.
Sidenote: Poorbuthappy Colombia, an English-language community for expats in Colombia, is the best online resource for information specific to Colombia.
Drogas La Economia didn’t have Sinalgen, but the para-los-musculos lady upsold me into something else for 10,000 pesos. I figured I’d bring that if I couldn’t find Sinalgen. “Para los dolores,” she said about that second package I bought.
After purchasing the steroids and runner up to Sinalgen, I went to Colsubsidio, a posh, corporate pharmacy across the street. They had Sinalgen. I don’t remember how much I paid, but it wasn’t much in terms of US dollars.
Both Hillbilly Heroin packages went in the shaving kit with the steroids. My brother was thrilled with both of them, which he says are for hangovers.
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You’re crazy to bring drugs into the US — even if it is small amounts for recreational use..