Cold Gringo and Homosexuality in Peru
I feel the warm culture of Latin America is a better fit for me, but there are ways in which I am and may always be a cold gringo.
I have many friends already and am getting along well, but something occasionally bothers me about my male friends. When males become friends, they typically insult and poke fun of each other. This is completely normal. Having been in a fraternity and always had macho asshole friends, I can hang with the best of them. However, a certain amount of time is needed for the friendship to incubate and develop before the insults begin. In the warm culture, guys become good friends in less time. I’m a cold gringo because I need more time before I’m comfortable with this kind of joking.
After becoming friends, Carlos got in the habit of calling out “gringo maricon” (gringo fag) when walking past my desk. The basketball teammates constantly call me “huevon”, which was the only word I knew to call other guys when I first arrived (like ‘dude’). It’s become my nickname on the team. It’s annoying to arrive on the court and hear five or six “¡Hola HUEVON!” greetings. It’s annoying.
When they were in town, Chuck and Steve equally noted that everybody on my basketball team likes me. Everybody dishes it out to almost everybody. This is expected when mixing all-male groups and athletics. But I seem to be the most popular target of insults.
The joking is just too much too soon for this cold gringo. I’m not a sensitive guy compared to most Americans, so a lot of gringos might feel insulted in these situations. This shit causes fights in America. Not being disrespected is important to dudes.
I mildly lost my temper at work a few weeks ago with Daniel, who’s been very creative in coming up with insults. “Gringo bitch”, “bitch”, “gringo basura”, “gringo maldito”, etc. became common almost overnight. One day I firmly told him to call me “Colin”. Not anything else.
A week later, he mentioned how I ‘yelled’ at him and ‘the whole world noticed’ – a bit of an exaggeration. He told me he calls me that because we’re buddies and he doesn’t mean anything by it. Daniel is gay so I knew he wasn’t trying to intimidate me. He’s that funny and outgoing kind of gay that always says outrageous things. Maybe this is why he got under my skin that day.
I spotted Daniel as gay immediately. Before I was completely sure, I asked Carlos, who replied “Creo que si.” I think so. He wasn’t sure after knowing him for over a year. He’s become much more convinced from my occasional joking on Daniel’s obvious homosexuality (e.g. Carlos asks me who I am going to the bar with and I tell him ‘the girls: Carla, Carolina, Daniel’).
Daniel listens to Madonna for Christ’s sake! Every day! How can people not know? I think the girls know but nobody acknowledges it amongst each other or even with him.
Don’t misunderstand me here – I’ve had lots of gay friends over the years, even good friends. And I’ve had friends come out of the closet. Daniel is good people. He is absolutely hilarious and I like hanging out with him. Since Carlos’ son was born, he and I haven’t been hanging out much. I have been eating lunch and becoming good buddies with Daniel.
Daniel once told me he likes negritas – black girls, which there are none of in Arequipa. Another time with the co-workers in a crowded bar, he told me he would point out a girl that he thinks is beautiful. He scanned the bar crowded with women and told me there were none. He seems to be putting on this front for me like he’s one of the guys. It’s so stupid that I have to listen to it. I don’t have a problem with gay people so much as I have a problem with gay people being in the closet.
One good gay friend told me I don’t understand and I should never ‘out’ somebody and that I should respect their own personal timing. I yield to this wisdom, but I guess I have more of a problem with the fact that gay people would be afraid to come out in the first place. It’s a problem I have with society.
Latin culture is particularly ridiculous in this respect. I’ve heard it’s common for families to disown gay sons. They can become complete outcasts in their current networks. It may be better in bigger cities, but generally the very Catholic culture is generations behind America’s. It’s ridiculous because of how obvious it is that Daniel is gay! Like I said, he plays Madonna every day and has her image on his cell phone screensaver! Everybody’s ignoring the obvious or completely ignorant. Somebody this gay in America would never be mistaken for anything but gay.
Daniel once asked me why I like Peru. I told him I fit in better in Latin America (despite sometimes being a cold gringo). He told me he thinks he’d fit in better in America. He didn’t explain why and I didn’t ask him. I know exactly why, and he’s right. You can be as gay as you want. You can prance around to Madonna, hold hands or make out with your boyfriend, and meet lots of other gays. You can currently marry someone of the same sex in some states. Someday the whole country.
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3 Responses to “Cold Gringo and Homosexuality in Peru”
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hey, warm gringo, i like your honesty, you had described my society very nice from your inside outside point of view, enjoy my country , enjoy Peru as i am enjoying yours, i am living in California two months ago beeing gay every day a little more, well i don like madonna and dont think that i move too much my hands while talking maybe i will never disconect from the macho latin brain program but i came to your country to fall in love… something hard to find in Peru out of 4 walls.
i wish you good luck and eat for me as much delicious peruvian food as you can.
un abrazo, huevon te cuidas…
cesar -
i hope you find love and a better life in america. as much as it’s not for me, the states will most likely allow a better life for you.
¡abrazo – cuidate – suerte!
this is so true–i can’t tell you how many gay latinos i’ve met who are still trying to explain to their parents why they’re not married and producing grandchildren at 30. and this is in los angeles–i can only imagine the pressure to conform down there.